Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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