I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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