i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
