i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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