My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
