tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
