Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
