Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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