i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
