Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
