I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
