just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
