we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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