How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
