I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize