Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
