told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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