He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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