My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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