The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
