My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm like, not good at living.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
