If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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