The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
