you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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