I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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