We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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