I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
