My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
