I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
