My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
