and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
