this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
