Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
