I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
