I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize