Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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