Soap is not a condiment
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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