On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
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