Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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