If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
