Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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