why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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