But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
