Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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