JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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