My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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