I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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