actually, I'm a sock model
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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