filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
