i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
