i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
