and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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