Your tits are I can't wait for
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
BRING THE BAGELS
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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