i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
