I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
