You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
