I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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