he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
