Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize