i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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