there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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