is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
