lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
