She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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