well I can't set my house on fire every night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
