It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
