Yo dont text me then not text me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
