i already hear my dad disowning me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
