dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
